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Are you an outsider or a relation addict?
Park Jung-hee  |  qkrwjdgmlwkd@gmail.com
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승인 2011.08.31  19:06:34
트위터 페이스북 미투데이 요즘 네이버 구글 msn

There are two types of students in campus life. Outsider and Relation addict. Relation addiction means excessive dependence on relationship with other people and outsider refers to an acting person that has individual thought. Where do you belong to?

At first, let’s look at outsider.

A research conducted in the domestic sites shows that 47.3% of 368 university students refer to themselves as outsiders. The reason why they became outsiders is “It is convenient that I can do anything. I do not want to participate unnecessary department events. I want to focus on my study and my employment.”

Why are outsiders increasing recently?
At first, in modern society, unlike past society, many enterprises require job candidates to have many specifications. Therefore, they have to do many things in limited time to sacrifice company’s needs and achieve their goals. However, if an obstacle that interrupts their plans appears in front of them, they can’t progress their work satisfactorily. For this reason, they get rid of it thinking that they had better avoid it. Hence, increasing outsiders is not accidental, but inevitable.
Next, compared to middle school and high school, they are given much more freedom in campus. While they should follow provided curriculum in past, they themselves should open up their ways to attain their objectives now. Consequently, they are unrest of not doing anything, so they do individual acts and outsiders are increasing.

What could be the problem to the solution?
Outsiders try to have independent life. Is becoming outsiders more profitable than becoming insiders? Not necessarily! Because of the modern life that flows along entanglement of human relationships. Thus, communication skill in these days is more important than the past. If people try to live in their independent life, they can miss the trend of society. Of course it cannot apply all people but recently these kinds of people are increasing. We live in an information- oriented society that information is essential, so we should share information with others. If not, we can be isolated. However, if we simply don’t know who we are and what we should do and just follow the flow of our society, we can miss individuality.
Most importantly, we should become the complex of outsider and insider. Proper participation and proper independence! That is the person that this society needs.

Other type is relation addict.

What is relation addiction?
“I can only exist when I am with you”. Relation addicts are that they have close relations with someone and seek someone constantly. They feel unrest without someone close and can be hurt by trivial words and actions easily as they keep a close watch on them. In extreme cases, they suffer from depression and insomnia and finally cause inconvenience to others severely..

What symptoms do relation addict have? And what gives this addiction to modern people? Due to technological developments, they try to communicate with others through SNS (Social network service) and make themselves self- existence and announce it. Rather, owing to facebook, twitter and cyworld, we are lonelier than the past. The vanity of no response that they post their contents, the unrest of no comment in their facebook, and the jealousy that is aroused from seeing that the person I like has left a comment on someone’s homepage other than mine cause us to become lonelier.
There is another symptom of relation addiction. They try to share their secret with others to become friendly. They think that by doing this, they can be beyond their limit.
Here is a self- diagnosis. Test:
1. If I refuse an unreasonable request of unfriendly person- though I make a loss- , I do a favor because there are inconvenience relations.
2. Personal connections are more important than our ability in social life. I can’t even imagine that I drop out on a get-together.
3. If co-worker want to talk with me- though we should finish urgent work- ,I can’t say ‘NO’ and stand up together.
4. It is difficult for me to end messenger first. I focus on them without counterpart answering immediately.
5. I always check co-worker’s birthday and anniversary, and I contact friends and get him/her a present at any cost.
6. To maintain relationship, I agree with counterpart’s view that is different from mine.
7. I get hurt when people don’t know I exert myself to the relations and think it is natural thing.
8. Because finally all personal connections are of great help to me someday, I think it is very precious.
9. It is network-management on my all energy throughout the day.
How many symptoms do you have?

What could the problem to the solution?
Do you think that it is not harmful because relation addiction does not involve cigarette and alcohol? NO. There might be actually larger pain than cigarette addiction and alcohol addiction. Like outsiders above, because society consists of personal connections, if you live having stress on them, it is bad for your physical health as well as your emotional health.
What could be the problem to the solution?
First, you have to express your opinion.
A reason of agreement is obvious. You believe that agreement gives you something beneficial to you. Because you’re worried about being estranged from each other when you express a different opinion, you can’t give idea surely. Except for different opinions that have apparent causes, you continuously have to do training for putting your views correctly.
Second, you have to talk like riding waves.
People who want to take the leadership in conversation, have difficulty of talk with people considered to being too considerate, and talk consecutively because they don’t like silence are types that have obstacle to primary communication in building relations. Beware that you should try to catch interesting parts in counterpart’s talk and should hear them out.
Third, though society flows into personal connections, heroine is YOU. Therefore, the reason why I exist is not with you. I exist for myself. Thus, you must not accept their opinion to maintain good ties.

Not all people belong to outsiders or relations addict type. There might be outsiders that have relation addiction or might be obliged ones who have chosen to become outsiders. But, if you are university student, it might be worth it to take a moment to think about the problem at one point or another. Human is social animal. You do not live without stress on personal connections and with unconditional stress. Whether you chose to be an outsider or were chosen to be an outsider, you can get relations addict inevitably. Largely, it depends on you. Are men and melons hard to know? You must become a person that society needs.

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