People always want to remembered as good men by someone. Many people make efforts to conceal their true selves and show only good looks. Do you think that it is 'the Good Person Complex'? They suppress their anger whatever it is, are generous with a white lie and advice and volunteer for being a guide. However, they will be good men at last when they get rid of their mental pressure which forces them to be good men.
Why have we struggled for being good men?
Being obedient to one's words is good. On the contrary to this, it is bad to be indocile. "If you are not good man, you cannot be loved." This regulation is generated based on strong and hideous faith.
We have repeatedly heard this saying in our process of growth. Therefore, we concentrate on others' saying, are obedient to their demands to be a good person and avoid conflict situations. Growing into adults, we have continuously been assured that we behave well and others think we are a good person. There are two causes of 'the Good Person Complex': the education from a young age and the imperative idea which we are not to cause harm to anyone. In addition, it is virtue to pocket our feelings to look good to others in our society. We all have 'the Good Person Complex'.
Influences which 'the Good Person Complex' have exerted
1) Effects on each individual
Meeting others' expectations all the time, we are considerably tired of 'our fake looks'. That is because we conceal our frank feelings, too frightened to reveal ourselves and live self-conscious lives. There is a tremendous amount of rages which cannot be expressed in our inner sides and the rages destroy our lives gradually. Also, the inner sides are intimidated and are filled with gloomy feelings since we have ignored our own feelings and desires. According to this, we get involved in a piloted crime easily in our childhood. Also, we live standard lives which brook aberration out of fear of being dislocated others' expectations. Even worse, we are likely to suffer from OCD(obsessive compulsive disorder) or panic disorder.
Before challenging ourselves to do something, we often aim to do it not for ourselves, but to satisfy others' expectations. We live lives without knowing that how 'our real appearances' look like. In other words, we wear masks and become an insincere person to others. Eventually, the Good Person Complex will do more harm to ourselves than good to others.
2) Effects on our society
It is our society that is full of people who want to show only good images. Nobody reveal their true candid images or show untrue images. Therefore, it is a criterion which appraises someone whether he is obedient or not and whether he causes damage to others or not in our society. If someone isn't obedient to others, behaves as he likes and hurts others, he will be stigmatized as a bad person at that instant.
Ways to escape 'the Good Person Complex'
What should we do to be a good person sincerely? First of all, we have to practice confessing our own feelings and thoughts frankly to others. Focusing on how others see us lets 'our original appearances' go missing. If we can't say no when people ask us to do something and play the hypocrite, we cannot have our own lives for ourselves. Now, we need to be an egoist somewhat.
Furthermore, we must never forget that being a good person within ourselves as well as to others is important. We have followed others' words and have done our best not to cause harm so far. At this rate, we cannot become a good person sincerely within ourselves. Thus, let's try to live in comfort and be good to ourselves away from the imperative idea which compels us to be submissive and not to harm.
*9 types of 'The Good Person Complex'*
'The Perfectionist Complex'. They are more likely to be annoyed with minor mistakes they make themselves and unable to bear that they are unrecognized by someone more than others. Also, they are worried about unnecessary anxieties.
'The Workaholics Complex'. They are people who cannot refuse some favors that someone asks of them or spend lots of time and energy on small unprompted things. "I have no talent or specialty.", they say. That's why they work impulsively like an ant to be remembered as a good person by others.
'The Dumb complex'. Keeping their silence when they are with other people, they desire to be considered as a good person. They can't ask even if it is very small thing and are coy in revealing their views while they are abusing themselves.
'The Good Kid Complex'. When people come to words because of a clash of opinions, their voice rather calms down and they, who under the 'want to be a meek child complex', are busy patting them. Although they face a rough ride "I'm fine.", they keep saying, suffer in silence and pretend to be a magnanimous man.
'The Sherlock Holmes Complex'. By demonstrating reasonable thinking like Sherlock Holmes, they want to be remembered as a rightful, intelligent and good person.
'The Pinocchio Complex'. They tell a white lie generously. Being terrified to be stigmatized as a bad person, they tell a lie continuously. However, they will be caught lying and hurt other people badly.
'The Mentor Complex'. They are people who advise freely. People who suffer from 'wanting to be a good person' have a habit where they give help to acquaintances.
'The Helper Complex'. People who are hassled by this complex provide aids to others blindly. However, reckless aids can rather allow them be placed in an extreme situation.
'The Overprotective Guardian Complex'. People, who are hung up on 'wanting to be a good person', are caught by obsession which forces them to feel sympathy when other people are in sorrow. Without caring about why they feel sorrow, we have to think that we just have to help them.
- Robinson, Duke, "Too nice for your own good: How to Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes", Warner, 2001
Haven't we been obedient to our parent's demands and done others' favors? On a program 'Healing Camp' which is broadcasted on SBS, Professor 'Kang Sin-joo' said. "Fulfilling anticipations that other people expect is like wearing masks." CAH expects you to think carefully as to whether we are living for ourselves sincerely or satisfying other people's anticipations. Moreover, let's try to become a happy egoist who loves ourselves from now on.
Cho Ye-rin
joer94@naver.com